Happy 2020!

2019 seemed to fly by and crawl at the same damn time. I achieved some of my goals, and need to adjust my game plan to achieve others this year. How was 2019 for you? Did you achieve the things you set out to - all of them, some of them? Were there any lessons you learned which you will take forward with you? Let’s chat!

2019 was an interesting year for me. Things pretty much started going downhill from May which culminated in me having to have surgery in December. If you know me, you know I have an insane fear of anesthesia so the months leading up to the surgery were filled with anxiety plus all the physical symptoms. It was rough. In the end, the surgery was so much better than I expected, as was the recovery. However, it was while I was getting ready to be wheeled into the operating suite that I learned a huge lesson. Or, perhaps maybe after the anesthesia’s effects wore off and I could think like a human again.

Backtracking a bit. I have a belly button piercing which I got for symbolic reasons. I had to do it twice - once in 2013, but it migrated and then I decided to try again in late 2017. I was thankfully having a laparoscopic surgery but one of the incisions (where they actually pulled my gallbladder from) was supposed to be right above my belly button which would have ruined the piercing and perhaps make it impossible (due to scar tissue) to re-pierce. I was so sad about this but every time I was to mention it to the surgeon, I stopped myself. This woman had so many more things to be concerned about than saving a random piercing for a random patient. More important things. So, I was quiet. Until, I was so nervous about being fifteen minutes away from surgery that when she asked me if I had any final questions, I brought up the piercing. I didn’t do it outright. There were about five sentences apologizing for daring to ask the question. Her response was not what I expected. She had a look and told me she would make the incision more in my belly button so as to give the piercing a fighting chance. It worked, by the way. But as soon as the question was out of my mouth, I wondered why it took so long to bring up something that was important to me in the first place. She could have told me no. She might have been annoyed. However, as my mother loves to say —what was she going to do, hit me?

This is not limited to the surgery, I have realized. I have a hard time speaking up about things that matter to me - things I want - problems I have because I generally feel like I am going to be an annoyance, or misunderstood or my assertion yielding negative feedback. And so, I stew… and stew… and stew. I allow my clogged throat to clog my happiness. Can you relate? How many times have you bottled things up inside because you figured it might just be easier to stay quiet? I’d like to encourage you to make a point this year to: Use Your Voice. Unapologetically. As long as you are not being disrespectful… have at it! The worst that can happen is the person will disagree. But, at least you would have said your piece. And frankly, if you are worried that speaking your truth would end a professional or personal relationship, you probably need to form new connections. This year: speak up, speak loud, speak boldly! You might be amazed at how things change.

Peace. Love. Light.

Rilzy